Creation Debate – Can Science And Reason Defeat A Guy’s Opinions?

by Hank Thompson on February 7, 2014

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The debate between science advocate/bow tie model Bill Nye and creationist Ken Ham purported to settle the question, “Is creation a viable model of origins in today’s modern, scientific era?” but it actually answered a much more important question: “How much tweeting can one asshole do while watching two guys debate nonsense?”

Well, like the proverbial poop that covered the deck of Noah’s Ark, A LOT!

I even managed to squabble with complete strangers who took offense with some of my tweets, which in a way was a mirror of the debate happening on the stage at the Creation Museum– one person remarking on observed/observable reality while another references an old book they were trained to believe is true. Though, unlike Mr. Nye, I used that age-old debating tactic of speculating on the size of god’s penis. It’s how I win most arguments.

Anyway, since I’m a whore for validation and feel that my brilliance is too brilliant to disappear down the diarrhea-fall that is Twitter, I gathered the tweets and have them below in the order they appeared.

So get out your eye-gouging spoons and watch the “debate” here:

Here are the tweets:

I’ll tell you one scientific argument that doesn’t need debate: Whether bow ties are sexy. They are! #creationdebate

Ironic that Ken Ham won the privilege of going first via random selection. #CreationDebate #CoinToss

“I believe the word ‘science’ has been hijacked by secularists.” Well, if you BELIEVE it, then it must be true. #CreationDebate

Ken Ham gets his evidence for creationism from the only peer-reviewed journal he’s ever read: The Bible. #CreationDebate

Bill Nye coming out strong by talking about bow ties. I assume he’s heading towards opposable thumbs. #CreationDebate

Wait, how could Bill Nye imply The Flood didn’t happen? Hasn’t he ever seen all those historical cartoons? #CreationDebateark 600

Fuck, I gotta listen to Ken Ham for thirty minutes? It’s like being at church but without the babes to silently leer at. #CreationDebate

All these people who believe the book of Genesis is true have clearly never read the book of Nintendo. #CreationDebate

Ken Ham’s argument is: These other loons have jobs. What now, bitches? #CreationDebate

Wait, they’re not referring to Phil Collins’s first album? #CreationDebate

Why does ANYTHING have to be the “ultimate authority”? #CreationDebate

I completely disagree with biblical creationists but I do agree on one thing: naked babes in gardens seems pretty sweet. #CreationDebate

Religious people are the real victims here. They don’t get to use the words “evolution” and “science” like in the Bible. #CreationDebate

A microbiology degree from Oklahoma university is just a bunch of classes where they tell you not to bang your sister. #CreationDebate

Ken Ham stole my OkCupid screen name. I’M the real Observational Science Bloke! #creationdebate

It’s not a debate about anything scientific if the word ‘sin’ gets used. #creationdebate

In Australia they’re sending a car to Paul Hogan’s house. “Mr. Hogan, your country needs you.” #creationdebate

Because of that Larry King is old joke, the moderator isn’t getting invited to this year’s orgy. #creationdebate

Ken Ham teaches children they are created in the image of god, which is why god is in diapers and has boogers on his face. #creationdebate

The reason it took God 6 days to create all that exists is because the 5-day workweek didn’t exist back then. #creationdebate

The only dumb thing Bill Nye ever said was “yes” to this debate. #creationdebate

Convincing a room of people who believe in magic that the magic they believe isn’t magic would be a really neat magic trick. #creationdebate

Next week, Bill Nye is going to debate George Zimmerman on gun control. #creationdebate

Faith is belief without evidence. It’s how I know I had a threesome. #creationdebate

“Traditional fish sex” is the kind of sex described in the Bible. #creationdebate

The thing that allows a person to change his mind is the thing religious people don’t have: doubt. #creationdebate (I think.)

Of course man and dinosaur co-existed. How do you think Jesus got around? He drove a triceratops. #creationdebate

Ken Ham’s response: “Yeah, but this book says…” #creationdebate

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Radioactive dating is not the recommended way to meet a mate. Try going to a bar or a website. #creationdebate

How can you debate someone who starts from a core belief in supernatural events nobody alive was there to witness? #creationdebate

Nice to see Australians can be just as dumb and ignorant as Americans. The exports must be working. #creationdebate

He made a good point about sharp teeth. Otherwise, we’d still be confused about all those vampire fossils. #creationdebate

Each audience member will find a commemorative sun dial under their chairs. #creationdebate

God can see you masturbating even with the lights off. He has night-vision eyes and he’s very fear-sighted. #creationdebate

Being a religious kook must have been a lot easier before all this annoying “testing” and “rational thinking” got started. #creationdebate

My favorite color is whatever color Jesus was, which is WHITE. White, you got that? White as baby fuckin’ Jesus’s ass! #creationdebate

Religious people are terrified of not having answers. Scientists are terrified of not having questions. #creationdebate

Bill Nye’s brother’s name is Steve Nye the UPS Guy. #creationdebate

Ken Ham literally takes the bible literally. Well, not literally literally. More metaphorically literally. Literally. #creationdebate

What’s weirder? God having genitals or God not having genitals? Close your eyes and picture both. Glorious! #creationdebate

When it comes to masturbation, Ken is very Ham-fisted. #creationdebate

Religion’s a great evolutionary adaptation. It allows for numerous mating opportunities, often multiple times per marriage. #creationdebate

“Finchin’ ain’t easy but it’s necessary.” – Charles Darwin #creationdebate

Bill Nye is a patriot? So that’s who’s replacing Tom Brady. #creationdebate

The winner of that debate was Twitter. We got ’em again, everybody! Good work, chirpers. We’re a few hours closer to death. #creationdebate

Keep science where it belongs: in the science classroom. Keep religion where it belongs: in the science classroom. #creationdebate

It’s gonna be awkward when Bill Nye gets to heaven and god is all like what now what now JK you’re just on drugs. #creationdebate

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